We have strong values and beliefs and seek companions with the same. This drastically narrows the dating options, leaving us to wonder, is their any chance of finding a match?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

This is why he's single

Several years ago I singed up with a popular LDS networking site, long before Facebook became the norm. It has since become some sort of dating site, so I sometimes respond to messages from fellows on there, as few women contact me. I have clearly stated on my profile that I am not looking for dating on there, but am willing to banter and engage in email conversation. While I know many people who have found marital bliss through online connections, I do not think it is a venue for me to meet a man, especially when one of us would have to travel to another state in order to meet. It's just too unnatural for me to feel comfortable with it.

That being said, I do enjoy some of the attention I receive on there and I have met many interesting men. Many make clever comments in reference to my favourite literature and films, etc. and I find it fun to get to know them (well, know the side they choose to show me). The most interesting aspect of corresponding on there, however, has become a sort of study on human behaviour, particularly how men choose to interact using only writing and a few photos. Although plenty of the guys on there are interesting and seem to be decent guys, I would have to say that the majority fit into the doofus category. I define "doofus" as a guy who is basically stupid and is a personal salesman, always trying to say what the other person wants to hear. Most of the stuff that comes out of their mouths is utter rubbish. I have decided to start taking note of the doofus messages I get, as a way of dissecting the male mind, and to be more alert for the doofuses so that I no longer waste anymore of my life on them. Luckily they usually come towards you with alarm bells.

Here is a perfect example of one such doofus. He messaged me several months ago and because I could tell it was a generic, rehearsed sort of spiel - and he has a cut photo of himself with a woman - I deleted the message and never looked back. Here we are several months later and what do I find in my inbox? That same copied and pasted message. Here it is for your amusement:

I am sure you receive HUNDREDS if not Thousands of e-mails:
So, I will give you my background and save you time K'
I have a 11 Year old Princess and a 13 Year Old MAN CUB (Jungle

I can cook mean scrambled eggs and am a Professional washer of
dishes. My hobbies include Hopscotch and repairing cigarette
lighters. I am SO NOT Boyfriend material but have a Class ONE
listening card, not bad for a guy huh.

I need LOTS of Trust and Comfort up front after receiving e-mails
making comments about my arms and body. I am hoping you could
appreciate me for my Brain not my body. Geez, women only wan't one

So, if your game for Lunch sometime let me know K

PS... I am rarely on this site so it may be a good idea for us to
exchange numbers???

Now I don't mean to humiliate anyone, but this doofus did it to himself. Come on, sending a message to a girl and asking for a number without even having had any previous exchange of messages? Lunch? We live in different countries, buddy. Did you even read my profile? My final comment is that if you are going to do the copy and paste approach as you send out hundreds of messages to random women who somehow catch your eye, at least use spell check first.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Why We Are Single

I have been contemplating starting this blog for some time now, as I have numerous conversations with female and male friends who share frustrations, questions, concerns about dating. Why am I still single? Why can't I find anyone interesting at church? Why are guys at church so shallow? Why do girls seem to only care about a guy's income? The questions never end, and the answers rarely follow.

Let's start this blog off by evaluating why we are single. Some of us will say it's a choice, and others will say it's because we haven't found the "right one". However, why is it that numerous people date and marry every day, of all shapes and sizes, all backgrounds, all ages?

A few years ago I attended a lecture on dating put on by my church and the speaker told us that if we aren't dating, we aren't playing the game. I believed her, but then when I went to church the following Sunday and looked around, I thought to myself, I don't want to play the game with these guys. I then decided I was single because I couldn't find anyone who interested me. I have found many guys outside of my church who engage me in conversation, who take me on fantastic dates and treat me like a lady, who are ambitious and doing something with their lives. Why can't I find that at church? At work I find guys who are men, but at church they seem like boys who have yet to find themselves and figure out what they really want in life. Am I single because I don't like Mormon boys?

I suppose on the flip side guys can say the same things; that girls at church don't interest them, expect too much, are boring, etc. We are raised with the same values with similar backgrounds, yet many of us struggle to find compatibility in a group that should give us exactly that. The problem is that although we have religious beliefs which affect the way in which we choose to live our lives, our religion does not define us and we are all still individuals, something we have to sometimes prove to the rest of the world. We all come to earth with a unique spirit in a unique encasement, no matter what our views may be regarding God and Jesus Christ. We are brought together each Sunday because we worship these beings in the same manner, although we may not have anything else in common.

And thus leads us to the plight of the religious dater. Finding a mate is tricky enough in times of constant change and opportunity, and narrowing the field only adds to the challenge. Don't get me started on height.