The Chase

I have always heard that men like to chase, but I wonder if it's worse in the world of Mormon dating. I know a fellow who always seems to take an interest in girls who do not reciprocate. Each time he makes his interest known, he pursues, and she rejects. For many a rejection would be indication to move on, however this seems to only encourage him more. I once heard him say that the ones who are hard to get are the ones worth chasing. But when they don't want you back, doesn't that just seem idiotic? Why do guys want to make things so complicated, and face rejection over and over again?

This boy is not unique. I've seen it time and time again. I've also seen many cases when the guy finally does get the girl, when she finally sees past his stalker and obsessive behaviour and somehow spots some charm, the boy starts to pull back, getting cold feet and suddenly ends things, often immediately finding a new victim to hunt. The thrill of the chase seems to be all that they want, and once the girl is caught, there is no real interest in a lasting relationship.

So what is wrong with these boys (and yes, I will insist on calling them boys unless they prove otherwise)? Don't they desire a relationship? Do they not want a real companion? Are they not interested in a girl who will love them in return? There must be something lacking within these souls to continually be attracted to girls who are not attracted to them. Also, what does it say about the boy who thinks a girl is so amazing, the perfect girl worth pursuing even after rejection, only to have her and then lose interest? He must not really know what he wants, or he must be too shallow to really see the girl for who she is, and instead falls in love with the idea of her.

Ah, the Idea of Her. This is a common one in Mormon culture, and it makes boys get in the way of their true interests and finding real compatibility. Because we are all looking for the one shot at marriage there is a lot of pressure to find the whole package. Boys love to create in their minds the perfect future wife. She is small and doesn't show any signs of FP (Fat Potential). She plays the piano and sings. She comes from a big family and wants to have lots of kids. She is studying to be a dental assistant or primary school teacher. She is not bitter and not over the age of 25.

Well, there are a lot of girls out there who do fit that stereotype, but not all guys subscribe to this image of perfection. Every guy has his own idea constructed in his head and is on the hunt to find it. The problem is that he will often find one aspect of a girl that he likes, and then hone in and begin the hunt assuming she is The One and has all the qualities he wants in a wife. He spends so much time chasing the idea, he doesn't even know who he's caught once the game is over.

This is why he's single

Several years ago I singed up with a popular LDS networking site, long before Facebook became the norm. It has since become some sort of dating site, so I sometimes respond to messages from fellows on there, as few women contact me. I have clearly stated on my profile that I am not looking for dating on there, but am willing to banter and engage in email conversation. While I know many people who have found marital bliss through online connections, I do not think it is a venue for me to meet a man, especially when one of us would have to travel to another state in order to meet. It's just too unnatural for me to feel comfortable with it.

That being said, I do enjoy some of the attention I receive on there and I have met many interesting men. Many make clever comments in reference to my favourite literature and films, etc. and I find it fun to get to know them (well, know the side they choose to show me). The most interesting aspect of corresponding on there, however, has become a sort of study on human behaviour, particularly how men choose to interact using only writing and a few photos. Although plenty of the guys on there are interesting and seem to be decent guys, I would have to say that the majority fit into the doofus category. I define "doofus" as a guy who is basically stupid and is a personal salesman, always trying to say what the other person wants to hear. Most of the stuff that comes out of their mouths is utter rubbish. I have decided to start taking note of the doofus messages I get, as a way of dissecting the male mind, and to be more alert for the doofuses so that I no longer waste anymore of my life on them. Luckily they usually come towards you with alarm bells.

Here is a perfect example of one such doofus. He messaged me several months ago and because I could tell it was a generic, rehearsed sort of spiel - and he has a cut photo of himself with a woman - I deleted the message and never looked back. Here we are several months later and what do I find in my inbox? That same copied and pasted message. Here it is for your amusement:

I am sure you receive HUNDREDS if not Thousands of e-mails:
So, I will give you my background and save you time K'
I have a 11 Year old Princess and a 13 Year Old MAN CUB (Jungle
Book)

I can cook mean scrambled eggs and am a Professional washer of
dishes. My hobbies include Hopscotch and repairing cigarette
lighters. I am SO NOT Boyfriend material but have a Class ONE
listening card, not bad for a guy huh.

I need LOTS of Trust and Comfort up front after receiving e-mails
making comments about my arms and body. I am hoping you could
appreciate me for my Brain not my body. Geez, women only wan't one
thing...Gosh

So, if your game for Lunch sometime let me know K

PS... I am rarely on this site so it may be a good idea for us to
exchange numbers???

Now I don't mean to humiliate anyone, but this doofus did it to himself. Come on, sending a message to a girl and asking for a number without even having had any previous exchange of messages? Lunch? We live in different countries, buddy. Did you even read my profile? My final comment is that if you are going to do the copy and paste approach as you send out hundreds of messages to random women who somehow catch your eye, at least use spell check first.