Why is it then, that when we are dealing with such delicate feelings, ones that can be so easily crushed and destroy all our hopes and dreams, that we dive in head first? It's risky, dangerous, could leave us with a serious head injury, but we dismiss all that and take the risk, often crashing and causing a concussion of the heart.
Several months ago I got back in touch with a male friend whom I've known for a few years. We were living on separate continents while I was overseas studying, but we flirted via email and then we started Skyping. He got serious very quickly, wanting to know how often we would talk, and asked me to be his girlfriend. Keep in mind we had never been on a date, so I declined the offer, however we discussed having interest in one another and no one else, and wanted to develop things until we could see each other in person. We started talking every day and this went on for about a month and a half. As this was happening, my feelings started to catch up with his as he started using pet names and telling me all his plans for our future. He even made a joke about our future grand kids - gasp! I liked him. He was exactly my type, and I was falling, but not as quickly as he was.
Things seemed great during that time, but then he suddenly started to pull back, and made comments about us just being friends and how he was trying to find someone locally. I'm sorry, but are you planning dates with all your girl friends, calling them "Sweetie" and signing off with love hearts? If so, you've got more to deal with than a slew of angry girls. After that, things started to die. By the time we were on the same continent again there was nothing from him. He had sure been keen on labeling the relationship, but not on ending it. I'll never get my closure, or the grand kids.
It was a tough time for me, but I saw a pattern I've seen many times before. He got really excited about the idea of me. I could check off his boxes and he thought he wanted me. He made that decision as soon as I gave some mild reciprocation, and then off he goes planning our wedding. Just as I start to catch up, he's already submitted the divorce papers and back into the singles scene. Why do guys do this? Why can't they just simmer down, get to know the girl, and then gradually increase the contact and the dating in order to truly build a relationship?
Tonight I was talking to a dear friend of mine who has sadly just experienced a cliff jumper of her own.
- They made meaningful eye contact in a social gathering
- He got her number
- He started asking her out and sending cute text messages
- He held her hand
- He sent a text message saying that he didn't want to lead her on and that they should just be friends.
It's a common story for the gals, and we are always left bewildered, feeling the lingering sting of the slap to the face that came from nowhere. There is no point in trying to slap back; he's already gone.