Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a Mormon match

The other day I was discussing dating with my father and we wondered if single people today would do better to have matchmakers. Many cultures do it and have proven that having someone else pick out your mate can lead to very happy and committed marriages.

I suppose I initiated this discussion after watching The Millionaire Matchmaker. On the show women sign up with an agency to meet rich men. The men are the one paying for the services of a matchmaker and they get to meet a group of ladies and then select one for a private date. A lot of women want rich men, and all men want a hot women, so it's the perfect set up. If this business works for the millionaires, why not for Mormons?

After the conversation I went to one of my favourite places in the world: Google. I searched for Mormon Matchmakers and guess what I found? Nothing. So this lead me to think maybe there is a need for it. We certainly have the market, so maybe it's time we trusted someone else to do the searching, but someone who actually knows a little bit about us and our spiritual requirements for finding a companion.

What do you think? I personally think this could be a brilliant business. Francine, I'll need your skills since you have a proven track record here.

The Chase

I have always heard that men like to chase, but I wonder if it's worse in the world of Mormon dating. I know a fellow who always seems to take an interest in girls who do not reciprocate. Each time he makes his interest known, he pursues, and she rejects. For many a rejection would be indication to move on, however this seems to only encourage him more. I once heard him say that the ones who are hard to get are the ones worth chasing. But when they don't want you back, doesn't that just seem idiotic? Why do guys want to make things so complicated, and face rejection over and over again?

This boy is not unique. I've seen it time and time again. I've also seen many cases when the guy finally does get the girl, when she finally sees past his stalker and obsessive behaviour and somehow spots some charm, the boy starts to pull back, getting cold feet and suddenly ends things, often immediately finding a new victim to hunt. The thrill of the chase seems to be all that they want, and once the girl is caught, there is no real interest in a lasting relationship.

So what is wrong with these boys (and yes, I will insist on calling them boys unless they prove otherwise)? Don't they desire a relationship? Do they not want a real companion? Are they not interested in a girl who will love them in return? There must be something lacking within these souls to continually be attracted to girls who are not attracted to them. Also, what does it say about the boy who thinks a girl is so amazing, the perfect girl worth pursuing even after rejection, only to have her and then lose interest? He must not really know what he wants, or he must be too shallow to really see the girl for who she is, and instead falls in love with the idea of her.

Ah, the Idea of Her. This is a common one in Mormon culture, and it makes boys get in the way of their true interests and finding real compatibility. Because we are all looking for the one shot at marriage there is a lot of pressure to find the whole package. Boys love to create in their minds the perfect future wife. She is small and doesn't show any signs of FP (Fat Potential). She plays the piano and sings. She comes from a big family and wants to have lots of kids. She is studying to be a dental assistant or primary school teacher. She is not bitter and not over the age of 25.

Well, there are a lot of girls out there who do fit that stereotype, but not all guys subscribe to this image of perfection. Every guy has his own idea constructed in his head and is on the hunt to find it. The problem is that he will often find one aspect of a girl that he likes, and then hone in and begin the hunt assuming she is The One and has all the qualities he wants in a wife. He spends so much time chasing the idea, he doesn't even know who he's caught once the game is over.

Mormon Dating 101 - The Simple Things

You may think that Mormon dating is a complicated thing. You are both correct and incorrect. Some aspects are easy as pie (and trite cliches). Others are a tad more complex. We here at 'Plight of the Religious Dater' realize that Mormon culture varies depending on where you live and of course the individual beliefs of the people involved, but the authors have all lived in various countries across the globe and we feel confident in addressing generalities in our religious community. So, I submit a few of the simple aspects of Mormon dating that are relatively constant (please note that each point could apply to either men or women - we here at POTRD do not condone sexism):

1) Awkwardness. It will always exist, so don't even try to escape.
2) Cheapness. As in, "my date insisted we walk the 27 blocks to the theatre to save on gas".
3) Sexual uncertainty. We're not 17 anymore and it's stupid to be chaperoned at all times. How far is 'too' far?
4) Gender stereotypes. Will the lady expect the gentleman to pay? Will the gentleman expect the lady to be demure? Ad nauseum.
5) Group dates. No, even at 29 we still need our friends to bolster us when interacting with the opposite sex.
6) Hope. Hopefully there is hope. Hope that the person across the table from you at The Olive Garden will be nice, thoughtful, fun, interesting and hope that he/she will think the same about you. Sometimes the hope is all we have.

Obviously, if you've got yourself a good match, all of the above might disappear. If this happens, hold fast and do not let go. Next time, some of the more complex aspects...