We have strong values and beliefs and seek companions with the same. This drastically narrows the dating options, leaving us to wonder, is their any chance of finding a match?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Online Dating: Take 1

I'm online. I have always been opposed to the idea of meeting potential dates online, but I have reached a point where I can no longer rely on church programs to introduce me to new guys, and I'm not in a field of work that allows me to interact with many single men. Also, I keep meeting people in happy relationships who have met due to online introductions. It's really no different from a blind date, but in this case you actually get to screen the candidate and see if you truly do have common interests, unlike many blind dates where you are just matched because you are similar in height and both single.

So, one night when I was feeling vulnerable and lonely, I signed up for a few websites. On two websites I have focused on meeting guys with my same religious beliefs, so that means most of the guys live in Utah, and therefore a date is out of the question for a while. On the third site people search by location, so I have been getting contacted from guys within my city. The thing that is easy about the first two sites is that it is just a way to network and chat with interesting guys, and quite frankly, to boost my self esteem. The third site takes things to a whole new level because knowing these guys are in the the same city as me makes them real, and because these guys are real, they actually want to meet up. I am getting asked out by all sorts of guys; but here's the catch, these guys are not Mormon.

Initially I was not at all comfortable meeting up with total strangers and I never thought I could do it. I think of myself as a fairly confident person, but when it comes to dating and guys, I clearly don't have the best game. I can be shy at times, and slightly awkward. I avoid situations where I might feel that way, and because of this I have always hated going on dates. I prefer to let a relationship evolve from friendship. Sadly, my circle of friends generally consists of a majority of females and a minority of gay potential males, so none of these friendships can lead to dating.

Anyway, so last night I found myself meeting up with Buddy #1 who met me for a walk in a central park. What I learned from this encounter is something I have learned before, but will likely be reminded of each time I agree to meet a guy I have "met" online.
  1. 3D people do not always look like their 2D photos. 
  2. Witty banter and cute comments in emails do not always transfer to witty and cute conversation in person.
  3. If a guy isn't good at asking questions in messages, he's likely worse at it in person.
I left Buddy #1 feeling fairly certain I would never see or hear from again, however he surprised me with many follow ups and later asked if I would like to meet up again. Nice fella, but this one is a no.


  1. Good for you for taking the plunge, Sheila! It's seriously the most effective way to meet people, but I agree that all online interactions must be taken with a grain of salt. I'm way cooler when I have a chance to edit myself, and way cuter when I can pick a flattering photo!

    I'm excited to hear more about your adventures!

  2. I do agree that it is probably the best way to meet people if your pool is just not doing it for you. But yeah, there are so many ways we can fill in the blanks in our minds for the pieces of information we don't have about people.

    Hehe, 3 of my relationships started over the internet. All 3 were serious with people who were extremely far away and we went exclusive even with the distance. I wouldn't recommend that for most people, but it can work.

    One guy, I moved to China for (after he had visited me for a week a few months before) but he broke up with me a month later. Not good. Another guy moved out to China for me a few years later. He was AWKWARD at our airport meeting but ended up being the guy I married anyway.

    It happens. *shrugs*