We have strong values and beliefs and seek companions with the same. This drastically narrows the dating options, leaving us to wonder, is their any chance of finding a match?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Online Dating: Take 2

My online dating experience is already over, but as promised, I am back to complete my series of thoughts on the subject.

What I found is that if you put up a photo when things are looking good (fresh highlights, tanned skin, wearing red), and you write a cutesy profile, boys will come to you. I find this in itself to be incredible. To some I am considered an attractive gal, but I have never been the girl who is asked for her phone number from strangers. I'm not sure that I've ever been "hit on" in any sort of public setting. It's possible it happened and I didn't notice, but the signals were never obvious enough for me to realize that a boy was looking my way.

So, because of growing up always being the sidekick to the girls getting the attention, I have become accustomed to not being noticed. I have dated, and guys do pay attention to me, but it's generally when they have gotten to know me, therefore I find it fascinating that when the circumstances are different, i.e. an online photo and brief write up, I am capable of getting bombarded with attention that quite frankly, becomes overwhelming.

In my first week I had 4 dates, 2 with the same guy. I already shared my experience with Buddy #1 in my first post on this topic. Buddy #2 was a lunch date and we had a great time chatting about travel, careers, etc. He seemed to really enjoy being with me, but then as soon as he asked which church I attend and I gave him the answer, all interest faded. I was okay with this as I did not feel any romantic connection, but I was interested in this noticeable change in his body language and attention to me. Dropping the Mormon card can really shake things up. Needless to say, there has been no further contact from Buddy #2.

Buddy #3 was the high rolling sort of fellow who wined and dined me and took me on a very expensive second date. The Mormon card was dropped with him before we even met, so the first few minutes of our meeting consisted of him repeatedly asking, "So, you can't have sex? Are you one of those good Mormons who actually practices that?" Once we got past that, I had fun with him and we had a great intellectual connection. I came away from our dates thinking the world is full of great men and I can find guys with whom I enjoy chatting for hours, however there was a void in our conversations, and I realized that was because my core values, my beliefs which mold my character and life, were never discussed. Anyway, he turned out to be a total manipulative psycho, so no loss there.

After my last experience with Buddy #3 I ended up deleting my profile and turning away any other guy who had tried to meet up. I know the method of making online introductions and meeting can lead to lasting relationships for many, but I don't see that working for me. I also realized that even though I was suddenly opening up my dating pool to interesting, successful, intelligent guys, I was missing a spiritual connection. That may be the only connection I can make with most guys in the Mormon world, but I realized that at the end of day when I am thinking about the kind of companion I want, I wouldn't skip on the spiritual connection for anything. In conclusion, I continue my dating quest with less effort to go out of my way to meet guys who do not share my religious beliefs, but I am also open to anything and know there is a world out there of people who may want to learn about what I believe and adopt those beliefs for themselves.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry that the online relationship thing didn't net in a relationship, but am so glad that you sought out a series of new experiences!

    I think meeting men outside the member pool is great for casual dating - you get to meet new guys, flirt, learn about the lives they lead that isn't tied down by LDS culture, but ultimately, it's really difficult to find your ideal guy in that pool. I mean, seriously, good luck trying to find one that is ok with the whole celibacy thing (much less actually chooses that for himself - very few Christians are as hardcore as we are).

    You may say that it's only sex you disagree on, but because our choice for celibacy has so much to do with our relationship with religion and spirituality, you'll find yourself having a hard time matching core values on that front. And if you do find one that is as hardcore religious as we are, they'd probably want to convert YOU (it's happened to me).

    Have you tried the LDS dating websites? I wish I could try them out just so I could write a review, but I'm already married, it wouldn't be right :)